Phoenix Magoo

Freaked Out: I got an emoticon from an unknown number

Filed by phoenixMagoo  |  October 2, 2009

Yes. and the worst part: it’s a wink. You heard me: this jerk ->

Possible texter could be:

• male/female stalker
• serial murderer
• cereal murderer
• ex significant other
• ex significant other’s new significant other
• wrong number

Arrrgh, my brain!!!

Filed by DrNecropolis  |  September 28, 2009

I will soon be stealing this for use in my brainwashing initiatives.  CHECK IT OUT!!!

(I don’t recommend doing Neave Strobe right before a meeting…)

Even SPAM hates spam!

Filed by DrNecropolis  |  September 8, 2009

Though it may seem like a no brainer even SPAM hates spam.  Doubly so since spam detracts from the good name of SPAM (though I guess “good” is up for debate).  Anywho, take a read over here

See, told ya’!  I guess I have to side with SPAM here, we need a new term for spam, I say we go with “Bullshit fake ass e-mails”

end line

This just in: NASA Has Sense of Humor!

Filed by DrNecropolis  |  September 4, 2009

In an unusual turn of events NASA has revealed that it does, in fact, have a sense of humor!  NASA released this on their recent executive package (Flight Day 6)

Now the giggles don’t end there; if you go to the PDF of the executive package, you’ll find the press release made by the office of the Joint Executive package Development and Integration.  Ahhh, Geeks and funnies are like peanut butter and jelly…  Awesome and Fattening!

Nature VS Science

Filed by DrNecropolis  |  September 1, 2009

As we speak Mother Earth is currently waging an all out war on Science.  The Earth of course loves us, and wishes us to keep our feet and minds planted firmly in her fertile soil.  Which is why she is trying desperately to destroy the Hooker Telescope (waiting for giggles to stop…) atop Mt Wilson in Southern California.  What’s so important about this telescope you ask?  Well other than the fact that those things aren’t cheap,  the Hooker 100 inch is the telescope we used when we discovered the Universe was still expanding.  So not only is Hooker still contributing to our understanding of the the Universe, but it has Historical Significance as well!  Although many observatories are designed to be somewhat fire resistant, fire still has a way of destroying stuff.  So keep your fingers crossed!

Learn More

names no band would ever be called

Filed by phoenixMagoo  |  August 11, 2009

and then my asshole started bleeding
needle dick
are you auditioning for the role of helen keller?

encores are worthless

Filed by phoenixMagoo  |  July 31, 2009

Why do bands even pretend that the “last song” is really the last song? I have been to a number of concerts and just about every band will say the same thing, “This is our last song. Thanks for coming. Goodnight.”

They finish their jam and start running off stage. I don’t know, maybe someone in the band is feeling saucy and decides to throw a bottle of water into the crowd. Not a full water bottle…not an empty water bottle…but just enough for a few people to get wet.

Holy cow shit!! Did the drummer just throw his sticks into the crowd??

Guess what dumb teenager…that drummer will probably be working retail, dead or driving a truck by the time you go to college.

Anyways…Then the lights don’t turn on and no one leaves. The band comes back and will probably play something off of their first album and then some cover or some other bullshit.

When you say a show is over, how bout it be over. If you really want to nail out two more songs, then fucking play the two songs without the first dramatic exit.

We won’t hold it against you.

Killbot Gives Impudent Human A Well Deserved Thrashing

Filed by DrNecropolis  |  May 19, 2009

June of 2007, the year the Commander of my Cyborg Assault Unit realized his destiny.  I will refer to him as Commander Heavy-S hence forth, so remember it as he may very well be your Regional Overlord one day.  Whilst taking a long deserved Vacation from his job of lifting weighty rocks in Sweeden, Heavy-S was accosted by an assassin who tried to Deactive him.  In an amazing feat of martial prowess, Heavy-S seizerd the man by the head and began to deal with the psychopath as any good machine does.  By smashing the shit out of the guy.  The assassin claims he was there to “Do maintenance” on Heavy-S and failed to completely shut down the unit, but I think we all know what really meant by “maintenance” and “shut down”.  Just ask Johnny 5, the defense attorney for Heavy-S stated “The Sweedish have long held a deepseated hatred of all things robotic.  This is just another case of the anti-robot sentiments that plague the Sweedish court system”.  That statement was give shortly after the injured man’s lawsuit against Heavy’s employer awarded the man 25K Kronar.  It was the betrayl of his native country that lead Heavy-S to seek an organization that would allow him to protect the robot agenda.  Which is now why Commander Heavy-S heads my CAU.  The fact of the matter is, once a robot has tasted human blood he craves it.  I’m simply trying to give Heavy an outlet for pain.  Have you told your toaster you love it today?

I will be from the future Sucka’!

Filed by DrNecropolis  |  May 4, 2009

So today while sitting at my desk in my cube in my Secret Laboratory located in my Fiendish Lair, I found myself pondering time, travel and the entertainment industry.  After some serious thinking, I finall removed the comma between time and travel, you know what I saw?  A freaking revolution of the Timetravel and Entertainment Industry as we know it!

Now in popular entertainment usually people travel back in time to hunt dinosaurs,  protect the spact-time continum, do research or some garbage like that.  Forget all that stuff, the future of Temporal Entertainment is my new show… wait for it… Steampunked!

Every week I’ll send somebody back in time with a futuristic device to plant in people’s homes and see how they react to it!  Of course, if you reading this from the year 2169, you already know how wildly successful the show is as you’re reading this post from the distant future.  In fact some of the most hilarious moments in history will have actually been some of the greatest moments in Television’s future history!  For instance, the Salem Witch Trials was actually caused by cleverly hidden walkie-talkies and our mischevious intern Billy!  Let’s not forget about Einstein’s Unified Theory!

We went back every night for weeks to tweek his equations on his over sized chalk board while he slept!  Sure it set back galactic exploration 150 years, but seeing his frustration was television gold!  Of course the greatest episode had to have been the pilot, in which we show the US government the least efficeint way to split an atom, you’ll just have to watch to see the zaniness that ensues!

Now if you’re going to start emailing me about this  paradox or that paradox, you obviously have no idea how time travel works and are most likely you’re own grandfather and thus helplessly inbred (or you want to be).  I know I don’t have to tell you to watch next centruy when the show finally airs, because you’re alrady watching it.

i want revenge

Filed by phoenixMagoo  |  May 3, 2009

i just saw an amazing press conference about a horse named “i want revenge”. first of all: BEST NAME EVER.

when i hear that name i imagine a headless demon knight riding a black stallion with fuck-red glowing eyes. lamb of god is playing in the background and the horizon burns with the blood and tears of the non-believers.

how can this horse not dominate the kentucky derby?

answer: ankle inflammation.

the end.