Phoenix Magoo » requires time machine

Game Review (Another One) – Zombie Apocalypse

phoenixMagoo — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:55:42 +0000

Q: How many of us dream of actually living through the eventual zombie apocalypse?
A: All of us times 50 million.

There is something amazing about killing countless zombies. Will it ever happen to us? Yes. What’s the best thing we can do? Train.

I would not suggest the new Playstation Network game Zombie Apocalypse as your primary zombie killing training tool. I suggest the Resident Evil series as the primary “simulation” of an actual zombie apocalypse (especially Resident Evil 2 and 4).

However, Zombie Apocalypse is an awesome game. Like Mystery Guy said in the post before this post, it runs on the old school run and gun controller set up. Simple explanation: If you ever miss playing Smash TV (Big Money!!!), then this is the game for you. It’s fast and has a great array of weapons.

The standard weapon is a machine gun and it’s loaded with an infinite ammo clip and does the trick even against some of the harder zombies. There are weapon pick ups such as shotgun, riffle, rocket launcher, grenade launcher, dual automatic pistols and molotov cocktails. The game has one special weapon that is called “zombie bait.”

Zombie bait is a care bear that sounds like a talking elmo. Anyways, you toss one on the ground and all the zombies head for it and then it blows up. Awesome.

There are two, nay, three objectives to the game. First, killing anything that moves. Second, saving the “uninfected.” Thirdly and most important, staying alive.

Actually, this game will train you for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. Killing without thinking. In the apocalypse, thoughtless massacre will make all the difference.

Check out the following dialogue from a dumb soon to be dead dude of the future apocalypse:

Dude: Omg…is that my high school english teacher!! He’s a zombie!! He’s coming this way! OMGOMGOMGOGM NO!!!! I’m being eaten!!

Now check out the dialogue from a survivor:

Dude: A zombie! [Shotgun Blast]

Never think twice about shooting a zombie. Zombie Apocalypse will get you thinking straight.

Video of gameplay:

Water On the Moon

mysteryGuy — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:27:56 +0000

Three different papers published in Science today have found proof of water on the moon. What I want to know is, when can I sign up for a lunar beach vacation? I’m still waiting on the jetpack I was promised.

Ronald Mallett, You’ve Doomed Us All

mysteryGuy — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:21:36 +0000

Ronald Mallett is a physicist with a mission: to travel back in time. With lasers! The back story makes it even better: he wants to tell his dead dad to start eating right and live longer.

Mallett equates his dad’s death to the death of Superman. And not in a “DC comics taking all of 10-year old mysterGuy’s allowance only to bring him back in about a year” kinda way.

This might sound like a movie (or Sci-Fi TV movie pitch), but it’s not. This is real life. Nevermind that Spike Lee has the film rights…

Doesn’t Mallet watch science fiction? Or does he just live it? Anyone familiar with the intricacies of travel through space-time realizes he is dooming us all! Dear old dad, Marty McFly and Spock.

If successfull, he’ll create a paradox. If he saves his dad, he’ll never have the motivation to build his time machine, then the space time continuum explodes and we all die! He’s not even leaving room for a sequel!

I will be from the future Sucka’!

DrNecropolis — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:02:51 +0000

So today while sitting at my desk in my cube in my Secret Laboratory located in my Fiendish Lair, I found myself pondering time, travel and the entertainment industry. After some serious thinking, I finall removed the comma between time and travel, you know what I saw? A freaking revolution of the Timetravel and Entertainment Industry as we know it!

Now in popular entertainment usually people travel back in time to hunt dinosaurs, protect the spact-time continum, do research or some garbage like that. Forget all that stuff, the future of Temporal Entertainment is my new show… wait for it… Steampunked!

Every week I’ll send somebody back in time with a futuristic device to plant in people’s homes and see how they react to it! Of course, if you reading this from the year 2169, you already know how wildly successful the show is as you’re reading this post from the distant future. In fact some of the most hilarious moments in history will have actually been some of the greatest moments in Television’s future history! For instance, the Salem Witch Trials was actually caused by cleverly hidden walkie-talkies and our mischevious intern Billy! Let’s not forget about Einstein’s Unified Theory!

We went back every night for weeks to tweek his equations on his over sized chalk board while he slept! Sure it set back galactic exploration 150 years, but seeing his frustration was television gold! Of course the greatest episode had to have been the pilot, in which we show the US government the least efficeint way to split an atom, you’ll just have to watch to see the zaniness that ensues!

Now if you’re going to start emailing me about this paradox or that paradox, you obviously have no idea how time travel works and are most likely you’re own grandfather and thus helplessly inbred (or you want to be). I know I don’t have to tell you to watch next centruy when the show finally airs, because you’re alrady watching it.

deep fried death note

phoenixMagoo — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:20:52 +0000

phoenix magoo: what’s better than 2 japanese live action death note movies?
you: 3 japanese live action death note movies?

(gunshot)

phoenix magoo: nope!…it’s one:

done right american style
mega explosive shit kicker to the face
summer blockbuster experience

the end.