Ronald Mallett, You’ve Doomed Us All

Filed by mysteryGuy  |  June 2, 2009

Ronald Mallett is a physicist with a mission: to travel back in time.  With lasers!  The back story makes it even better: he wants to tell his dead dad to start eating right and live longer.

Mallett equates his dad’s death to the death of Superman. And not in a “DC comics taking all of 10-year old mysterGuy’s allowance only to bring him back in about a year” kinda way.

This might sound like a movie (or Sci-Fi TV movie pitch), but it’s not. This is real life. Nevermind that Spike Lee has the film rights…

Doesn’t Mallet watch science fiction? Or does he just live it? Anyone familiar with the intricacies of travel through space-time realizes he is dooming us all! Dear old dad, Marty McFly and Spock.

If successfull, he’ll create a paradox. If he saves his dad, he’ll never have the motivation to build his time machine, then the space time continuum explodes and we all die! He’s not even leaving room for a sequel!


I will be from the future Sucka’!

Filed by DrNecropolis  |  May 4, 2009

So today while sitting at my desk in my cube in my Secret Laboratory located in my Fiendish Lair, I found myself pondering time, travel and the entertainment industry.  After some serious thinking, I finall removed the comma between time and travel, you know what I saw?  A freaking revolution of the Timetravel and Entertainment Industry as we know it!

Now in popular entertainment usually people travel back in time to hunt dinosaurs,  protect the spact-time continum, do research or some garbage like that.  Forget all that stuff, the future of Temporal Entertainment is my new show… wait for it… Steampunked!

Every week I’ll send somebody back in time with a futuristic device to plant in people’s homes and see how they react to it!  Of course, if you reading this from the year 2169, you already know how wildly successful the show is as you’re reading this post from the distant future.  In fact some of the most hilarious moments in history will have actually been some of the greatest moments in Television’s future history!  For instance, the Salem Witch Trials was actually caused by cleverly hidden walkie-talkies and our mischevious intern Billy!  Let’s not forget about Einstein’s Unified Theory!

We went back every night for weeks to tweek his equations on his over sized chalk board while he slept!  Sure it set back galactic exploration 150 years, but seeing his frustration was television gold!  Of course the greatest episode had to have been the pilot, in which we show the US government the least efficeint way to split an atom, you’ll just have to watch to see the zaniness that ensues!

Now if you’re going to start emailing me about this  paradox or that paradox, you obviously have no idea how time travel works and are most likely you’re own grandfather and thus helplessly inbred (or you want to be).  I know I don’t have to tell you to watch next centruy when the show finally airs, because you’re alrady watching it.